Irritable Pete Syndrome
Published on Tuesday 30 September 2003
Imagine your delight if some top scientist decided to name a disease after you. I think it happens, but I can't commit myself, so I won't.
Work work work. That's all I ever have a chance to do these days. Gone are those hours of yesteryear (yesteryear : a word that I find particularly irritating, both for its inherent made-up-ness and it's miserable reflective nostalger.) that I could spend reading, writing, musicing, talking, painting...( for my UCAS form) and arsing about achieving nothing, (to be more realistic.) A-levels are such a dull vacuous waste of time that I have to entertain myself making up new words. Like vacuous. I've decided that means empty, or hollow.
These new words fill an already strained dicionary, (a book which I understand is only ever read by Joe,) and cause even more people to have to educate themselves, rather than face a terrible life of smiling and nodding when anyone uses more than 3 syllables strung together. These educated people invariably become scientists, and discover/invent new diseases.
Diseases have to be named, and people how make up words are always well respected, so become excellent disease name candidates. We have now come full circle. I make up new words, so I am at risk. However, Genital Herpes has fortunately already been named, and Mr Herpes is already kicking himself. Along with Mr Mumps, Arthur Rightus...and Mr Measles.
There's only one more thing on my mind. Would it be better to bear the name of a terrible, infectious killer, or a mild nose-hair-discolouring type dissorder? Mr Cancer was lynched at his book signing last night, but on the other hand, Mr Mins (Mildly itchy nose syndrome) was laughed off stage at a presentation of his newly invented words. Both terrible fates for upstanding citizens.
I'll be a designer or something I think. (cars please, thank you.)
From tomorrow I'm conducting the Shipston Junior Band. With my musical theoretical knowlage, sense of rythmn, skill and experience with control over small children I'll be torn to shreds. No, really. T o r n A p a r t . SHREDDED.
Pete. currently brushing up on his music, fanatically, and fashioning discrete body armor from disused gearbox housings.
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13:42 30/09/03
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