Jokes
Published on Tuesday 30 September 2003
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman in the world!" The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be woken by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.
If the Garden of Eden had been in China, we would still be living in there because Adam and Eve would have eaten the snake.
Courtesy of Holy Trinity Cambridge :)
Christmas Card: Father Christmas is putting some presents into a stocking, saying something to a little boy who is standing on the stairs, watching Santa with a horrified look on his face. Caption: "I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now, Timmy."
Why do blondes like BMWs?
Because they call spell it.
Two blondes are standing by the side of the road with their car, and the keys are on the front seat. "What are we going to do, how are we going to get in?" one of them asks, "We're locked out!" They both stare in shock at the keys lying on the front seat. A man walks by and says, "Nice convertible".
A blonde goes into Curry's and says to the salesperson, "Can I buy this television please?" "No," comes the reply, "we don't serve blondes here." Undeterred, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown and returns to Curry's. "Can I buy this television please?" she asks. "No, we don't serve blondes here," he replies. Disheartened, she goes away, and disguises herself completely, false beard, black hair now, glasses, big overcoat, and goes back once more. "Can I buy this television please?" "No, we don't serve blondes here." At this she becomes angry and shouts at the salesman, "How do you know I'm blonde? I died my hair, I disguised myself. How do you know?" "Madam," he replies, "that's a microwave."
A blonde gets on a plane to New York and sits in First Class. A stewardess comes to check her ticket and asks her to move to the economy seats because she doesn't have a First Class ticket. "No," replies the blonde, "I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to sit in First Class." "Please, madam, you have the wrong ticket." "No, I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to sit in First Class." The stewardess goes to the cockpit and says to the Captain, "Captain, there's a blonde in First Class who has an economy ticket and won't move, could you say something to her please?" So the Captain goes to the blonde and asks her to move. "No, I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to site in First Class." The Captain returns to the cockpit, and his co-pilot says, "I have a blonde girlfriend, I know how to deal with blondes." So he gets up, goes to the blonde and whispers something in her ear. She shoots up, grabs her bags and runs to the back of the plane and sits down, looking relieved. The Captain and stewardess are amazed, "What did you say to her?" they ask. "Oh," replies the co-pilot, "I told her that that part of the plane wasn't going to New York."
A blonde goes into the hairdressers wearing a walkman and some headphones and says to the hairdresser, "Cut my hair please, but whatever you do, don't take off my headphones." So the hairdresser cuts her hair very carefully, but when she's nearly finished, she cuts through the headphone cable and the blonde drops down dead. Horrified, the hairdresser gets another pair of headphones, plugs them into the walkman, and puts them on. A voice was saying, "Breathe in... breathe out... breath in... breath out."
Why do women have small feet?
So they can get closer to the sink.
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the new kitchen.
What do you do when the dishwasher breaks down?
Slap her and tell her to get on with it.
One Christmas, there's a knock on a man's door. He opens it and looks out,
but he can't see anyone there. A little voice pipes up, "I'm down
here." The man looks down and sees a snail looking back up at him.
"Can I come in please because it's very cold out here and you've got a nice warm
fire inside." The man bends down, picks up the snail and throws him down the
garden path.
The next Easter, there's a knock on the man's door. He opens it and looks
out, but he can't see anyone there. A little voice pipes up, "I'm down
here." The man looks down and sees the snail looking back up at him.
"What did you do that for?"
David Beckham goes into a shop, sees a Thermos flask and asks the assistant what it is. "That's a Thermos flask," he replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Thinking he's onto a good thing, Beckham buys and goes home. When he gets there, Victoria asks him what he's holding. "It's a Thermos flask," he replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "That's good, David," she says, "You'll have to take it to training." So he does, and when he gets there one of the coaches asks him what it is. "It's Thermos flask," he said, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "That's nice," the coach says, "What have you got in it?" "Two cups of coffee and a choc ice."
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Viewed
960 times since
13:45 30/09/03
Permanent Link