Colossians 3.12-17
Delivered on Saturday 19 August 2006
© Ben Green 2006
Colossians 3.12-17
Wedding of Hugh Jackson & Kat Lovell, 19 August 2006
From my vast year-long experience of marriage, and on such a great occasion, I thought that I ought to share with you the meaning, the purpose and the secret of life. All at once. But you'll have to wait a bit because I'd like to say a couple of other things first.
Thank-you Hugh & Kat for letting me loose at your wedding. It was a brave thing to do, given my track record for making jokes at the expense of Hugh's height. Or lack, thereof.
I was extremely tempted to fill this talk with such jokes, but I feel it would be beneath me to stoop to such a level. Especially from such a great height.
So, in Hugh's honour, I've made this talk as short as possible.
I wonder where you would rather live? In this bit of his letter to one of the early churches, St Paul describes two places. Town A is described in the bit just before our reading. It's a town where anything goes. People do whatever they want, whenever they want. They get angry, they swear, sometimes they lie, cheat and gossip, sometimes worse. OK, so they may upset a few people, lose a few friends, but they're free, they say, they're doing their own thing.
The people who live in Town A look down at the people in Town B and say, 'What a bunch of wusses. They go around saying sorry to everyone all the time, they can't stand up for themselves, they're goodie-goodies and losers.'
You might be inclined to agree with the people in Town A. Hugh & Kat, if you want a long, happy life together, you need to behave like the people in Town B. They are certainly not wusses. The way they live is tough, and requires real will-power and strength.
If you look at what Paul wrote, you'll see a list in verse 12: 'clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience.' These aren't commandments, they aren't rules that Christians have to follow. They are more like pieces of excellent advice, which help you live a better life.
They aren't easy things to put into practice, though. They require you to put other people first. Take compassion, for example. Being compassionate is not the same thing as being patronising. It means literally, 'suffering with'. It isn't a shallow, 'there, there,' with a pat on the head and an, 'off you go, things to do, people to see,' and so on. It involves time - a lot of time - and effort.
Likewise kindness, which means going out of your way to help or encourage someone, really putting yourself out for the sake of someone else. It isn't done for selfish reasons, being kind to someone so 'they owe you'. It is simply behaving as you would like others to behave towards you, whether they do or not. It is putting them and their needs first, not your own.
You'll be glad to know I won't go through the whole list. You'll also be glad to know that Paul was very realistic; he knew that people aren't able to be compassionate, kind, humble, meek and patient all the time. We do and will hurt each other. Hugh & Kat you may not realise this but married couples argue. Sometimes they even shout and get cross with each other! Shock, horror!
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"
"Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon itself was wonderful - so romantic! But..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "Mum, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mum!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! Please come and get me!"
"Darling baby, you must tell me why you're so upset. I'm your mother - tell me."
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum... he's using words like: Wash, Iron, Dust, Cook..."
The next thing Paul talks about is so important. 'Bear with one another,' he says. In other words, put up with one another. There will be times, I guarantee it, when it's all you can do to put up with each other. When the other makes a mistake, or hurts you, put up with it - because you'll do the same. Don't expect someone else to be perfect, because you are not perfect.
It's so easy in a close relationship, especially in a marriage, to focus on the other's imperfections and the other's faults. It's much easier to see other people's flaws than our own, after all. But be warned - it is entirely possible, and regularly happens, that you can focus so much on someone's negative qualities that you forget and fail to recognise their good qualities.
Instead of dwelling on faults, instead of bearing grudges, it is far better, far healthier - and will keep you far happier for far longer - to forgive each other.
The curious thing about real forgiveness is, that you can only really forgive when you yourself have experienced forgiveness. It's called learning by example - you see it done, and then can do it yourself. Paul says this in verse 13: 'just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.' 'The Lord' is Jesus, and he offers forgiveness to everyone for every wrong thing we have ever done.
I'm sure all of us know we aren't perfect; we all make mistakes and hurt people. Which is why the legal profession exists. Sometimes, as was shown by our attempts at archery on Hugh's stag day, we completely miss the target, we get nowhere near the standard God wants us to live at. Even if the target is only 10m away. In a marriage, those things have a habit of coming out into the open, so you need to be prepared not to sue each other, but to offer forgiveness, just as Jesus offers forgiveness, no matter what the other person, no matter what you have done.
The people of Town A really think they're free. But they aren't. Where there's no forgiveness, people are locked into selfish greed, doing everything for their own benefit and gain. They are slaves to their own greed and selfishness. Bono said it best in Gone: 'what you thought was freedom was just greed.'
Real freedom, just like the real compassion, kindness and forgiveness we've talked about, is not about what you can get for yourself, but about what you can do for someone else. Real freedom is not about what you can get for yourself, but about what you can do for someone else. Instead of being bent inwards like greed, it is outward-looking. Instead of 'what can I get?', real freedom asks the question, 'how can I help?'
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man." As he was walking away, one of the locals remarked to the other, "He really doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
And so, at last, we come to the final bit, the bit where I tell you the meaning, the purpose and the secret of life, all at once.
But just before that, I want to talk to you about love. Paul says, 'Above all, clothe yourselves with love.' It sums up all we've looked at so far: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience and forgiveness. It is the key to all those things. So what exactly is it? And what is it not?
Love is not something you have. It isn't simply a feeling, an emotion, although that is part of it. It isn't a state of being, as though being 'in love' was all there is to it.
Love is something you do, and it takes practice. It's so much more than sheer physical attraction, than getting on with each other. It's the only sure foundation of any relationship. It goes deeper than anything else, so when all else is gone, love still remains.
Love is giving yourself, every part, to another. Hugh & Kat, you are just about to promise that to each other when you exchange wedding rings: 'All that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you, within the love of God.'
Love is holding nothing back, physically, emotionally, spiritually, the lot. That's why love is so dangerous, and so hard; but also why there is nothing better. Love is a huge risk, and demands complete trust. It means saying what you think, how you feel, in a constructive, not vindictive, way. It means being open and honest about yourself, and about the other person. It means being compassionate, kind, patient and so on. It means putting the other person first, before yourself.
You see, if love is giving every part of yourself to another, at is best it has to take your whole life. Jesus is the best example of love, and his love for us took his whole life. In a somewhat cheesy, but nevertheless true, song, this is said about Jesus: 'he was the ultimate example of what love can truly be, because his love was his life, and he gave it away.'
That is the context in which we make our marriage vows and live our married life: within the love of God. Within the love of God that gives itself away completely, and holds nothing back.
Ladies and gentlemen, and Hugh, the purpose, the meaning and the secret of life is this: you have to give it away to truly live it. If you are selfish with your life, you will lose it. If you are greedy with your life, you will lose it. The only way to truly live your life, is to give it away to God and to other people, to live a life of service and love, not greed.
If you want to live like that, you need the example and power of Jesus, who died for love and rose again to give us this new life, to show us it is stronger even than death. Hugh & Kat, and everyone else here, that offer of new life is open to you now. All you need to do is give yourself, your whole life, to God, to follow the example of his Son Jesus.
As Paul said, 'Above all, clothe yourselves with love... And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.'
Amen.
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